The Berlin Guide – Chapter Seventeen – Quotes

All of the chapters of ‘The Berlin Guide’ thus far have contained my impressions and observations of life in Germany. For this chapter, however, I have decided to allow others to make their thoughts known. Here, in reverse order, is a top ten list of quotes about anything and everything connected with Germans and Germany.

 

Number 10: The first quotes at number ten are from P.J. O’Rourke‘s ‘Holidays in Hell’:

• "You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does."
• "Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically."

Number 9: From Jerome K. Jerome‘s book, ‘Three Men in a Boat’:

• "I don’t understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since."

Number 8: The wise words of English Comedian, Willy Rushton:

• "German is the most extravagantly ugly language – it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747."

Number 7: These words were spoken by Frederick The Great but are perhaps more appropriate for today when considering the sounds that regularly escape from radios all over Germany:

• "A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse."

Number 6: A quote from the German born Physicist, Albert Einstein, who developed the theory of relativity:

• "If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew."

Number 5: From ‘Dave Barry‘s Only Travel Guide you’ll Ever Need’:

• "Eating in Germany is easy, because there is basically only one kind of food, called the ‘wurst’."

Number 4: A selection of quotes from Mark Twain:

• "I don’t believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can’t learn in Berlin except the German language."
• "Some German words are so long that they have a perspective. Observe these examples:
          Freundschaftsbezeigungen.
          Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten.
          Stadtverordnetenversammlungen.
  These things are not words, they are alphabetical processions.
          Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen.
          Alterthumswissenschaften.
          Kinderbewahrungsanstalten.
          Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen.
          Wiedererstellungbestrebungen.
          Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen."
• "Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth."
• "Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German."
• "The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label."

Number 3: A quote from the classic TV show Fawlty Towers which was spoken by John Cleese as Basil Fawlty:

• "Oh, you’re German! I’m sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you."

Number 2: Possibly the most famous words spoken in Berlin by John F. Kennedy which have often been misinterpreted as ‘I am a jam-filled doughnut!’:

• "All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin. And therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words ‘Ich bin ein Berliner!’"

Number 1: There are two quotes at number one from the TV presenter, James May:

• "’The centre for aluminium competence’. I’m not making that up. That is what it’s called. They’re Germans."
• "There’s no known cure for being a bit German."